"In Pride and Predjudice Caroline tries to engage Darcy with a powerful metonymy of phallic power: "I am afraid you do not like your pen. Let me mend it for you. I mend pens remarkably well." Apparently recognizing the significance of the sexual allusion, Darcy playfully invokes autoeroticism when he answers, "Thank you--but I always mend my own."
--Jill Heydt-Stevenson from "Slipping Into the Ha-Ha: Bawdy Humor and Body Politics in Jane Austen's Novels"
I just got back from my fourth date with Justice this semester, discussing a matter of some champagne at a wedding, and Justice wants to see me again on Friday. I don't know about this, though, I think Justice is just dating me because he thinks he can make me a better person. But hey, at least it's not co-dependent. Justice has been seeing a lot of other people, though, so maybe it doesn't mean anything.
I am so tired of talking to Student Development. I don't know what to do about them because I really don't like the idea of discipline in college, especially for little things like deer heads and champagne. I just don't like being in trouble. I'm a good girl. I am so burned out with this whole thing, I don't even care about influencing the system anymore. I just want to get away from the system.
It's okay, everyone, we can still survive, the Canadians are generous. They will "Open their hearts and their homes" and "sacrifice their singleness" to keep us safe from Bush and his administration of death. Tyler, I think this is just the thing you need.
I'm beginning to realize that, while I love my name and wouldn't change it, I get really annoyed sometimes because of it. No one's ever made fun of my name, but there are other things that are hard to deal with. When I tell people my name they always say, "oh, that's pretty." But then they tell me that they won't be able to remember it and I'm going to have to tell it to them again. And I do, I don't mind, the next time I see that person they ask again and I tell them again. And the next time and the next time. People seem to think that just because my name is out of the ordinary they have an excuse never to remember it. Now names are very important to me, perhaps it is because mine is unusual and therefore, in my world, unique to me, I feel it represents who I am. When people are careless with my name and continually forget it or mispronounce it I begin to feel insulted. These people, almost all of them men, but I'm not making any generalizations, seem to treat my name as a game they can play with me, "Oh, let's see if I can get it right this week." And when they do get it right they flaunt this in front of me for a while. And frankly, I'm not too impressed, I've lived with my name all my life. It's not new to me anymore. I do get impressed when people pronounce my name right the first time (it's lin-Nay-uh) or don't ask me to repeat it and still remember it. Now I'm not saying everyone has to remember my name, my roommate couldn't get it right for awhile, but I want people to make an effort. I don't like it when people want me to get a kick out of them not remembering my name or want to make it into a game. And I don't really want to hear about every other "Linnea" they've ever known, either, but that's kind of a hard one to really get angry about, since they don't know that I've heard about tons of "Linnea's" especially since coming to Covenant. I like to believe I'm the only one, though, and those people make it harder for me. Especially one guy who all five times I met him proceeded to tell me about Linnea who had gone to Dayspring University or something in Kenya and married some guy and just because we have the same name doesn't mean I'm interested in her. So, that's my rant. Enjoy it for what it's worth.
Two thoughts:
1. I hate being a senior. I hate being older than everyone. I hate looking out over a sea of people in chapel or in the great hall and knowing that almost none of them remember the same Covenant I do. I remember when I first came here Covenant seemed like the home I'd been looking for since my family moved back to the States and I was so happy to be here. Since then it's changed so much, I don't feel at home here anymore. I still love my friends and my room and my hall, but I feel ready to move on.
2. I like a Jane Austen book. At least so far. I just read the first chapter of Northanger Abbey and I loved it. It reminded me of Stephen Leacock, whose hilarious short stories I read when I was little. Just listen: "A family of ten children will be always called a fine family, where there are heads, and arms, and legs enough for the number." And of the heroine: "Indeed she had no taste for a garden, and if she gathered flowers at all, it was chiefly for the pleasure of mischief."